how to make wedding planning less stressful (And even fun!)
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“Wedding planning is so stressful.”
You’ve heard it before. Maybe you’ve said it every day since you got engaged; with finances, family dynamics, personality differences, and endless decisions involved, there’s certainly bound to be some stress. Perhaps in a moment of particular consternation you’ve even uttered the line, “Let’s just elope.” But before you start packing your bags for Bermuda, read on. I’m here to reassure you that not only can you reduce stress while wedding-planning, but you can even find ways to enjoy it.
have a plan
It may seem obvious to say, “Have a plan,” for wedding planning, yet so often people get overwhelmed in the wedding planning process because there are so many things to do, and perhaps you don’t even know what all of those things are. Maybe you’ve gotten a lot done, but feel burnt out. Here are my answers for you: checklist and weekly goals.
Now you might tell yourself, “I’m not a lists person,” or, “I’m not organized like that.” Great! This is your chance to practice a new skill. I guarantee that in the long-run having a visible list is going to create clearer communication, less worry, and more efficiency.
Many wedding to-do checklists will even give you a general guideline on how many months/weeks prior to your wedding you need to complete each task. You may even receive a to-do list from your church and venue to help you out with the specific requirements from them.
Now for the weekly goals, friends! Take a realistic number of items from the checklist each week (Keep in mind how time-consuming each item will be) and write those in your calendar or planner. Communicate those tasks with your fiancé, and which ones you want to tackle together. Towards the beginning, the time-sensitive tasks such as securing a church and venue will be more time-consuming and involved; but after those major things have taken place, choose bite-sized items to complete weekly.
Budget
Similar to having a plan, having a clear and written-out budget is going to save lots of stress both on your relationship and on your wallet. Even if you’re not already engaged, it might be a good idea to broach the subject - without getting too detailed about everything. I remember when my husband and I were dating, I told him I thought a cheap wedding was about $10K. His jaw about dropped to the floor. He had a lot less exposure to the cost of weddings than I had, and felt that was a high number. I am so glad we had a bit of experience talking about wedding expenses before we had to go straight to picking a venue.
While the initial budgeting conversation might be a challenging one for both of you, it will certainly pay off in the long-run. Keep the perspective of how valuable of an opportunity it is to learn about one another’s priorities and what is and isn’t important to you both. If you remember you’re a team, you will find ways to compromise, problem-solve, and sacrifice for one another. Plus, budgeting will be such a helpful skill you can carry into your marriage.
There are plenty of tools out there to get you started. Many wedding website builders like Zola, the Knot, or WeddingWire have a budget tool. If you prefer a hardcopy, try something like Jessica Bishop’s The Budget Savvy Wedding Planner and Organizer to receive lots of helpful checklists and wedding budgeting ideas. You can also check out my blog post 7 Simple Ways to Save Money While Wedding Planning for some more inspiration.
Once you’ve completed the initial budget, have a set weekly or monthly check-in for it, and refer to it when you’re making purchases. You might even consider getting a budgeting app to track your spending. Some wedding-planning websites have this feature, as well.
Keep Dating
Now that you have your schedule and weekly goals, you can plan your wedding-planning evenings and your non-wedding-planning evenings. Whether it’s a calm evening in, or a night out, plan an evening a week where you can spend quality time together. If you or your fiancé find the conversation veering towards wedding-related topics, tie up any urgent communications, then gently steer the conversation towards date-night. Once again, having a plan for how you’re going to spend intentional time together will safeguard that time from being hijacked by wedding to-do’s.
be playful and creative
Just because you’ve set the night aside for wedding planning doesn’t mean you have to put your nose to the grindstone and treat it like a chore. Listen to music, make a fun drink or snack, or if it’s a monotonous task, turn on a favorite movie. Do you need to make decisions and talk things out? Do it over coffee or go on a walk. You could even take some of those less-savory tasks and make a bingo card out of them. Once you get a bingo, treat yourselves to an activity you both love!
Also, be sure to sprinkle some of the more fun tasks throughout your planning. Whether it’s picking out the songs and practicing dancing, doing calligraphy on a few invitations, or picking the menu, there are plenty of ways you can get creative and enjoy yourselves. I remember having a surprisingly fun time getting our save the dates ready. I had bought some old stamps on eBay to save money. Some of them were a few decades old - and had to be pasted on! They also needed to be combined to add up to the right amount of postage. When Andrew placed a T-Rex behind some skiers, we had a great laugh.
Putting together the guest-list and sending out invites is also a great way to familiarize one another with all the people in your lives. Consider sharing a fun story or memory about some of your family and friends as you address envelopes.
delegate
Not a DIYer, but want to save some money? Perhaps you have a crafty friend or family member who wants to make fake flower bouquets or help with centerpieces. Do you feel like you don’t have an eye for designing those invitations or that wedding program? Or simply not enough time? Ask a design-gifted friend or family-member to design it for you. When it comes to weddings, you’ll be surprised by how many people who love you want to help! Especially if you give them advanced notice and clear expectations of when/how you want it done. If they say yes, turn that task on your list to a check-in with that person.
Pray
I’ve saved the best for last! Marriage is your path to Heaven, so include God in the planning! Sometimes preparing for the event on the big day overshadows the more important preparation for your life-long marriage. Here are a few simple ways to make God the center of this season of engagement:
Say a short prayer before wedding planning. Whether it’s an Our Father or just telling him about the present concerns of your day, it’s dedicating that time to God. He wants to bless your engagement and upcoming marriage - so ask Him to! Make sure to thank Him for everything that has happened so far - even the challenges! Praying with your blessings really can change anxiety to peace, complaining to thanksgiving, and venting to praising. Keep in mind of course, that you’re bringing your concerns to God, as well.
Wedding-planning hopefully comes with some religious aspects built in already, too! Picking out scripture readings and sitting with their words is a very special way to plan your ceremony and pray together. We took the time to read all of the options for scripture passages, and it was beautiful to see how the ones we ended up choosing stood out to both of us. Picking out the music can also be a prayerful exercise.
Hopefully you have a solid marriage-preparation program through your parish. To supplement, you could take some time to read or listen to podcasts together that help prepare you for marriage, and even parenting! Even just a chapter or episode on a Sunday or while doing dishes can be enriching and lead to some great discussions. Here are a few resources I’d recommend:
We read this together when we were first dating. While some of it wasn’t applicable until marriage, it was a very good discussion-starter, and overall just helped us understand how to love one another better. While you may already know your love language and that of your future spouse, this resource will challenge you to love in ways you haven’t thought of before.
Gain not only inspiration, but intercession from the saints on how to live a holy marriage! They are, like no living persons, these saints are experts on marriage. In the case of Saints Louis and Zélie Martin, they even share a feast day because they accomplished the goal of bringing one another to Heaven!
This book by Father Timothy Gallagher brings an important reminder: discernment isn’t over once you’re married! (Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice not to have to worry about who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with anymore.) Discover helpful insights on how to prayerfully and peacefully make decisions with your future spouse, and bring this wisdom into your marriage!
With these tips, I hope and pray you can truly grow together, develop new skills, and make good memories as you plan your wedding and the rest of your life together.
